I don't understand proms.
Actually, what I don't understand are the prom dresses.
On a rare trip to the mall with one of my friends (I'm not an enthusiastic mall-shopper) I was blinded with all the glitzy dresses that seemed to grab my knees and engulf me in a mass of satin and fluffy mesh as I tried to desperately squeeze past them in the store. The mall has become a jungle of puffy, brightly colored prom dresses. I don't know what the designers had in mind when making the gowns, but the end results are ghastly.
I've never been to a 'prom'. At my school we just had a big party at the end of the school year. No one had to dress up in frills and satin or wear a corsage the size of a massive bouquet on their wrists. We just had fun and danced into the wee hours of the morning. I've noticed that people here don't exactly dance, and after witnessing the way people dance in the clubs, it's a good thing they don't.
Actually, it can't be called dancing. I asked some of my friends what they call this method of 'dance' and they termed it as "bumping and grinding". How lovely. I suppose at the proms around the country the individuals are forced to dance with some grace - like they did in the good old days. With those dresses and tuxedos the students have no choice but to act partially dignified for one night.
Ugh. Those atrocious dresses. They're enough to give me nightmares. I saw a young girl wearing a hideous blue (at least I think it was blue) gown with a hodge-podge of sequins, faux pearls and gold embroidery. She was gleefully twirling in front of her friends. I wanted to run up to her and hug her out of sympathy. Alas, I couldn't save her. I suppose she felt pretty in it. Either that or she and her friends needed to get their eyes tested.
Out of curiosity, I checked the price on a billowing, Barbie-pink gown, expecting it to be about $50. It was $134 more than my estimate. Why would anyone spend so much on a dress like that? The only other time the girl would be able to wear it would be on Halloween. Besides, for that price, the dress should be unique and not be surrounded by 100 identical dresses. I'm sure there have been many cases over the years where several girls end up wearing the same horrid, cake-like dress.
I feel sorry for the dates of these girls.
"Do you like my dress, honey?"
"You're joking, right?"
The truth hurts, that's why the guys have learned to cringe and untruthfully say, "You look beautiful."
I think that the dresses try in vain to mimic the gowns at the Oscars - a bigger, more important version of the prom.
I'm not bashing the whole prom deal, but I do wish that people would take greater care when creating gowns. I think girls should be given a wider, more tasteful selection.
I now understand the saying, "It's all downhill after the dress".
For any girl who had the chance to go to their prom and didn't, I think I know why.
For those of you who did go, I hope you had fun wearing your gown- fluffy frills and all.
Rasmiliya Sporny is a columnist for The Parthenon. Comments may be sent to parthenon@marshall.edu.
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